Asterix Reds 2 Mancis 1 (League)

There were some heroes out there today. Keith Stewart for starters. Brilliantly saving a penalty when it was 1 zip to us. Andy Johnston for his superb diving header into the far corner, one minute from time to win us the game for a sublime Bunmi cross. There was Bala and Jonesy who really did not put a foot wrong at the back and won absolutely everything. There was Steve Whitson, who slotted the first despite suffering from a hangover from the depths of hell, after a night out with Beelzebub himself. There was Terry, who is going to be sorely missed by the boys with his imminent move to HK, coming on and causing mayhem amongst the Mincis defence etc etc etc I could go on. I felt proud to be a member of the Reds today. After last weeks debarcle we struck back superbly. 2-1. Cum on!!!!!
Right, lets get down to the nitty gritty straight away with 'penis of the week'. There were a few candidates including a few nominations for myself. Then there was the ref. He was a baboon, a Neanderthal, a hammerhead. To quote Blackadder, 'there are amoeba on Saturn that could have reffed the game better than he did.' However, I am going to give the much coveted 'penis of the week' to the orangutan who filled in for the original linesman on the right side of the pitch.

Asterix Reds 2 Expert Klang 2 (League)

First half - OK for 20 mins. Rest - shite.
Stevie scores with a slice.

Second half - shite for most of it.
Bunmi scores with a toe poke.

Pitch was crap.

Need I say more.

Asterix Reds 2 Kepong Chinese 0 (League)

Penis of the week goes to the ref for making us play on a quagmire when there was a much better pitch being unused right next to it, all marked out and with the nets up. The game therefore was peppered with incidents of hilarity as the ball got stuck in puddles, people air kicked balls etc etc. It was not a pretty game and there is not much to write about. We went 1-0 as Paul Williams was felled in the box within a minute of the KO. Steve White slotted home the penalty. The second came from a long ball that Paul Williams got on the end of and netted with much coolness.
The second half saw even more comedy as the 'Carry On' team resumed their water polo match. It also saw the return of Stu after a long stint on the sidelines through injury. It also witnessed a classic miss from Mr. Adam 'Subbetto corner taker' Scott.
And that was that! 3 points taken but not much else. Bala gets the big MOTM for a sterling performance at the centre of defense.
Finally, I have been asked to point out from Mr. Johnston that it was actually his cross and not that of Belfast Boy that provided one of the goals last week!

Asterix Reds 5 (Five) DHFC 1 (League)

I put the five in brackets as that what the vidiprinter used to do on World of Sport when teams like Forfar beat East Fife 5-0. Yes, 5-1, but this was after an early scare when DHFC went 1-0 up after the Reds had played like a bunch of methed up baboons for the first 20 minutes or so of the game. After we went a goal down, we actually started to put together some good moves. We equalised almost immediately. Paul Williams's header found the back of the onion bag after a beautiful Stevie Whitson cross. The second goal was curtsy of the DHFC goalkeeper who punched into his own net after a Whitson corner. What a penis!
2-1 at half time and a dressing down from El Presidente Houlahanio was no more than we deserved. Changes were made and the football began to flow. A much more impressive second half from the Reds was helped by the DHFC boys running out of steam. Goals from Stevie Whitson (2) made it 4-1, including a penalty after Steve White was cruelly denied by the hand of a DHFC defender who was sent off for his efforts. However, justice was done and emulating his hero Alan Shearer, Steve White composed himself at the edge of the box and curled a beauty into the top left hand corner of the goal. 5-1 the final score.
One final incident to mention. Anthony showed his capacity for entertaining the boys yet again. Last week it was his ninja moves in goal that amused. However, this week it was Wigan Casino 1978 all over again in defense. A through ball by the DHFC centre midfield and the ball comes through to him and as all the crowd thought an easy clearance must be made, Anthony obviously heard the sound of Wilson Pickett from somewhere and gave a beautiful Northern Soul high kick into thin air as the ball travelled through. Genius!
The big MOTM this week goes to Steve White again. I know I gave it to him last week but one goal, one that should have been and a great all round performance.