UK Rovers 2 - 4 Asterix Reds (SSLKL Cup)

For many of us, the letters UK rekindle fond memories of a land we once lived in.  "Cup o' tea, fish 'n' chips, bad food, worse weather, Mary f$%^ing Poppins" to quote cousin Avi.  However, these boys hailed from another land known by the initials UK: Ulu Klang, where teh tarik and nasi lemak are the orders of the day.  At least they played football like Mary f$%^ing Poppins.  

It was  in fact quite an afternoon of comedy at EP yesterday.  The fun started when our coach refused to do the warm up because he was sunburnt.  He was later spotted on the touchline carrying a rather large umbrella (or should I say parasol?) to protect himself from the sun's rays.  It was like having a female Asian golfer for a coach.  I'll be sure to bring him two gloves, a long sleeved pullover and a welder's mask for our next fixture.

So with our coach sheltering in the stands, Ian Quirk proceeded to do the warm up.  He put the team through their paces with a rather vigorous workout and slowly but surely the team started dropping like flies.  First to go was Dave Jones who pulled a calf muscle tying his boot laces.  Next to drop was Sugu who twisted his ankle picking the ball out of the back of the net during shooting practice.  Luckily a chap who looked like Telly Savallis but claimed to be Ragu volunteered his services between the sticks.  He actually did quite well and we should think about signing him.  I'm not sure what's happened to Ragu though.  I do hope he shows up next week. 

Adam managed to make it on the pitch but he too was soon back on the sidelines, having twisted his ankle while shooting with his left foot.  You'd think he'd know better by now.

If that wasn't enough, Roy made us all laugh by claiming he could play up-front.  "I'm f£$%ing great, I am.  I can play f%^&ing anywhere, me" were his immortal words.  Never one to miss a chance to be entertained I insisted that he give it a try.  And he didn't disappoint us.   After about 10 minutes, he attempted a darting run behind the defence.  But instead of putting himself in the clear, he collided - or should say 'body slammed' -  Kisho at full pelt.  The shout of 'arghhhh' echoed around EP and I can almost still hear it now.  Both players ended up on the floor writhing in apparent agony.  The lads on the side of the pitch were in hysterics.  I had to sit down in a quiet corner for a few minutes for fear my ribs might split.  But our laughter did not end there.  The moment was only bettered when Roy walked off the pitch and uttered the words 'Who the f$%^ was it that ran into me?'   He was later to complain the collision has split his spleen.   

Jonesy then continued the comedy by attempting to skewer himself on the corner flag.  He's just lucky the flag wasn't a foot shorter or he could have ended up ready for a spit roasting.  

Somewhere amongst all of this a game of football was played.  We won 4-2 with goals from Adam, Kisho (2) and Bunmi.  

Four of us made it to the pub after the game.  Roy cemented his reputation as a bit of a ladies man.  For the second week running he walked in to be greeted by a couple of Asian lovelies.  Needless to say, they both cleared off as soon as I arrived.  A few drinks and stories were shared.  Andy and I made a night of it, playing pool 'til two in the morning with his bird and her friend who was about as good at pool as Roy is at centre forward.