The season that was...

So let me review the season that was.   And for my review I'm not going to talk about the football this year (seriously, what do I know about football?) but instead our players - the people of Asterix Reds Football Club - and in particular I would like to honour those that have left us this season and - more importantly -  those that have joined us. 

Our squad was big this year (we signed a total of 33 players) and to be frank we've had more people come and go than a whore house during Ramadan.  

So let me first honour those that left us this season.  

First out the door this season was Tony Prove.  Tony was an absolute legend having won Player of the Year two years running.  He was a rock at the back and a true gentleman and mate to boot.  A fairer or more dinkum Aussie would be hard to find.  But despite a great start to the season, Tony was silently suffering from acute withdrawal symptoms due to the unavailability of Bundaberg Rum in the Klang Valley.  And it was out of medical necessity that Tony Prove repatriated to Queensland to secure his supply of the rusty nectare.  Sales of Bundaberg Rum have reported increased significantly since his return.  His liver has perhaps not fared quite so well.  Let's all raise a glass for Tony Prove.  

And in January, the Godfather of the Asterix Reds Football Club - Alan Boden - moved on.  Without Alan's efforts over the years, Asterix Reds would have likely perished.  Alan left us for China after a 10-years+ career and a incalculable contribution to the Asterix Reds.  The word is that he's back in the summer and the Asterix Reds board has been secretly tapping him up for the manager's role  This may be my last piece of work as manager of the Asterix Reds so I'll make the most of it.  

Then it was Stef Lammert who decided to march his family up to Beijing.   He did so without the usual German efficiency.  His departure date changed weekly and and his move was "on and off" more than a sex-tourist in Bangkok.  Nonetheless, after more false starts than an steroid infused sprinter he eventually made it to Beijng in February.  His belongings are due to arrive there in November.  

Next to leave us was Tom Howell.  Enough said.  

And just last month, our infamous and interminable sufferer of CLT, althzemiers and other myriad physical and mental diseases, Roy Schofield left us for The Maldives.  He's apparently there to catch fish - but we expect he will likely catch just as many new diseases.  We look forward to the stories as the latest chapter of 'Confessions of a Fish Farmer' unfolds.  

All of these players will be sorely missed. In Roy's case, literally.   

So, who would fill the sizable shoes of these fine souls?  Coming in, we were blessed with a plethora of sad bastards - sorry, I mean, fast athletes - who signed up for the cause with the Asterix Reds.

Andy Johnston rejoined us.  Despite possessing the facial hair of man twice his age - or should I say a man living in the decade before Andy was born - Andy was sadly ruled "too young to play" in our league.   But to his credit he agreed to ply his trade on the touchlines as coach of Asterix Reds.  And a fine job he did too.  However, we shouldn't forget that despite his ineligibility Andy did make make one notable appearance on the pitch in a league game.  Sadly this was the game versus Sang Chuan where Andy's contribution was to put a couple of straight rights into their players faces after a mass brawl had broken out.  Andy goes down in history as the first person to receive a touchline ban from Asterix Reds games.

Another returnee was David Jones. Dave came back to us after a five year absence losing none of his youthful zeal and desire to play.   (Dave used to be professional footballer you know; it's a fact that often seems to be forgotten by some people. Yawn....)  Actually, Dave is so old that we petitioned the league to offset some of Dave's years and use them as credit so that Andy could play.  Sadly, our request was refused.  Apparently the league chairman's calculator didn't have enough zeros to properly calculate how old Dave actually is.  Dave put in a fine season in midfield scoring a candidate for goal of the season in the process.  Dave also brought a flashy new camera with him and thanks to his handy work, we have a fine set of photos on display on our blog.

Aidil Sulaiman joined as a close season signing but after a promising start Aidil's season was interrupted by injury.  Aidil tore his ankle ligaments in a friendly - that should teach him to get stuck into a tackle - and this led to a 4 month absence.  But most disappointing for Aidil was that the mass brawl with Sang Chuan occurred whilst he was out with injury and he missed all the action.  He did try his best to start a fight two weeks ago by kicking one of the BM players in the back (thoroughly deserved of course) but nonetheless rues the missed opportunity to take part in the brawl.  Don't worry Aidil, we'll arrange a friendly with Sang Chuan in the summer, just for you.

Tom Sarginson ditched his rugby career for the beautiful game of Association Football.  And when Tom's not charging people RM200 an hour to hit a golf ball repeatedly at a wall he turns out for the reds with much pride.  A fine first season, Tom.

Kisho Jayalingam also joined us.  Kisho's most notable contribution has been the addition of the Alice Band to the Asterix Reds match day apparel.  He also made a mark - quite literally - for colliding with Roy at full pelt during a cup game.  I'll never forget the sound of the body slam, the prolonged scream and the sight of Roy and Kisho writhing in agony on the floor while the match continued.  

So, with 'The Cat' in Beijing and the 'keeper's gloves up for grabs (no pun intended) we threw them to Sugu.  And he dropped them.  But, in the absence of any other contenders, Sugu got the nod anyway and put in some fine performances between the sticks.  There were several games where his interventions at key moments kept us in matches that we'd eventually go on to win.  The seven stitches he received in the cup semi are testament to his commitment in goal and only slightly mar his Bollywood movie star good looks.  

Bunmi Sodiya, made the long trip from Africa to sign up for Asterix Reds.  Despite Nigeria's lax laws on polygamy, Bunmi brought just one wife with him but has already reportedly amassed several more.  At this rate, Bunmi's genes may be responsible for permanent darkening of the Malaysian complexion in future generations.  We look forward to more goals and excitement from the leggy Nigerian next season.  

Danny Bukhard and Paul Williams provided us with the athleticism, strength and steel of the All Blacks from New Zealand.  And like the Kiwi's, despite showing much promise, they failed to win anything this season.  

Ghani Malik joined us after a professional career and quickly established himself as a rock at the back.  He was compared to a lion for his big hearted performance in the cup semi-final.  He certainly came in and took over where Tony Prove left off.  Despite playing only the second half of the season, I believe, Ghani put in a strong shout for player of the season.  We'll here more about that later and look forward for to more from Ghani The Lionheart next season.  

Marcelo Paniago joined us and promised to deliver samba but only delivered sick notes.   We hope that Marcelo can join us in more games next year.

It's been my first year running a football team (not that you would have noticed of course!) but I must say that I've thoroughly enjoyed the experience.  We didn't meet the goals we set ourselves and as manager I take full and complete responsibility for that (I believe that's what Steve McClaren said when England failed to quality for the Euros, and we all know what happened to him) .  Nonetheless, we were in with a genuine chance of winning both the league and the cup until only a few games from the end of the season.  Had a few results gone our way, who knows what might have happened.  There is no doubt that Asterix Reds have progressed as a team this year: belief, confidence, footballing ability, desire to win and team spirit are all as high as I've seen in my three seasons with the Asterix Reds.  I'd like to thank you all for the effort you've put in this  year.  We've taken a step forward together as a team and should enter next season with a firm aim - and more importantly, a genuine belief - that we can win the league and cup.  Bring it on.