Mancis Utd 0 Asterix Reds 2 (SSL)

The blog is back – it’s taken a while but it’s back!

Mancis Utd 0 Asterix Reds 2
Scorers – Paul Williams, Adam Scott

A superb performance from the mighty reds saw off a revitalized Mancis on a cool, wet Sunday afternoon. The only thing that could’ve prevented a comprehensive Asterix victory was the brief lightning storm that saw play paused for 10 minutes or so. Before and after that interlude, Asterix dominated from start to finish with a goal in the 1st half from Paul “Bambi” Williams and one from Adam Scott.

Paul showed lovely footwork in the box bamboozling their defence and keeper for his goal after a quick break down the right by Bumni. With the Mancis defenders flummoxed Paul coolly slotted home from about 10 yards.

In the second half Adam capped a man of the match performance with a coolly finished goal after dispossessing the MU defence.

At that stage the Asterix midfield were cutting through a very good Mancis team like a McDonalds delivery boy through the rainy season traffic….

Make no mistake, this was a cracking team performance. Primarily built on solidity of the back four where they all had a superb game and the terrier like performances of the midfield – best performance in an Asterix shirt by Adam. The Reds midfield really bossed the game and the lads who played up front ran the Mancis defence ragged.

But Mancis are a good side and they still fashioned a couple of good chances, one in particular where their striker spun Bala (while fouling him) to shoot. This produced a superb point blank save by Jonesy using whatever the toe version of a fingertip save is, I suppose a toetip save.

Jonesy also kept out a 25 yd heading for the top corner in the second half and well deserved his clean sheet with only one moment of Benny Hill defending when he tried to tackle Bala and looked for all the world like a giraffe on ice….Keith has a fight for his place back

The whole match day squad did well with good players ready to come on for the tiring players, one of the strongest benches I’ve seen in my time at Asterix.
It was great to see Mages and Sarge back and good to see Ben put in a good shift up front on his debut.

Two good wins in a row and it’s a pity we have a break but we’ve shown we can be a very good side and we can take great confidence from that.

Man of the Match – Adam Scott, the boys at the back ran him close.
Muppet of the Match – Great performance, nobody did anything daft and Jonesy remember the beer so nobody this week.

Asterix Reds 1 LSCM 3 (League)

Well at least it did not rain but we still managed to get a primate to ref the game. This time a smaller version. Perhaps a lemur? He sent me off the bastard. I hardly touched the guy! Bala went as well. And so did one of their guys. It was quite ironic that a game that started off by the two teams turning up in red and then arguiong over who was going to change tops were seeing red all game.
They scored early in the first half as Jonesy got turned on a sixpence by the boy up front to slot home past Keith. Then it was all us, except for one thing. We could'nt score. Andy hit the bar with a header but other than that, we did'nt come close. Second half saw the British and Indian United Nations reps get their marching orders after some failed diplomacy and I'm afraid there is no escaping the POW awards to these two muppets. However, there were plenty of candidates for 'arsehole of the millenium' on the opposition. They made it 3-0 soon after to the sound of plenty of 'ah-ya's' and thanks to Ewis for pulling a consolation out of the bag towards the end. Adam Scott gets my MOM. Wave the league goodbye boys! Mind you, lets hope they don't win it either.

Asterix Reds 5 Swoosh 1 (Cup)

Here's an equation you may have missed in GCSE Chemistry.
Swoosh+8 men+Thunderstorm=One shite afternoon
I had more fun when I was circumcised.

Liverpool SCM 2 Asterix Reds 0 (League)

In a tight encounter, Asterix Reds went down 2-0 to a resilient Liverpool Supporter's Club.

The game started as it was to continue, with Liverpool putting men behind the ball whenever we had possession.  This made it hard for us to pass our way through their defence as we like to.  Liverpool set up to hit us on the break using their best players - a sharp and skillful centre forward and wide midfielder - to good effect whenever they got the ball.  We had the first clear cut opportunity after about 15 minutes:  Shashi was clean through on goal, only to cut back in be thwarted by a tackle by their last man.

But it was Liverpool who were to open the scoring.  A short diagonal ball over the top found their striker who had gotten away from Anthony.  He made no mistake, taking just one touch to knock the ball into the back of the net past Jonesy who was coming off his line.  

Jonesy was in action again shortly after, as he dived full stretch to push a shot on to his left hand post.  It was a great stop that any 'keeper would have been proud of.  Asterix Reds had been quite flat up until this point but this save seemed to get the rest of the Asterix Boys going and we played the last 15 minutes of the half the much better side.  

The centre midfield pairing of Andy and Ian began to get a better share of the ball.  Shashi on the right, was a constant threat, using his pace to get behind his full back at every opportunity.  We put a few good balls into the box and won a fair share of corners but didn't create anything in the first half worthy of a goal.  We came in at half time in good spirits, albeit a goal down, but full of confidence that - as long as we shut down Liverpool's attacking threat - we'd have enough of the ball to create good opportunities to score.  

The second half started as the first had ended.  We continued to win the midfield battle and earn more than our fair share of possession.  Again, Shashi caused problems down the right.  We played the game at their end of the pitch but the number of men they had sitting deep made it difficult for us to find the space to create quality goal scoring opportunities.  We were restricted to half chances, shots from distance and several (wayward) free kicks from just outside the box.  Shashi had one great chance to score but his shot sailed over the goal.  The goal hadn't come in the first 20 minutes of the half but as the game wore on, I thought - given our pressure - a goal was inevitable.  But, Liverpool sealed the win with a fine breakaway goal.  

A ball from deep released their winger down our left.  The winger did well to beat Mark  and then passed inside Anthony as he closed him down.  The ball found their centre forward who jinked from side to side to evade a couple of challenges as he moved into the box.  And, as he had done all day, he cut inside and then slotted a shot into the net to make it 2-0.

We still had 15 minutes left to play and I felt we could go on and get something from the game.  We pushed men forward and threw the ball into the box regularly.   Adam had a great chance to get on the score sheet but hit his close range shot straight at the 'keeper.  The game ended with lots of action in the Liverpool goal mouth, some desperate defending and a couple of good stops by their keeper.  But our reward was not to come and 2-0 is how it ended.  

This wasn't our best performance and a MOM is hard to pick as few of us played to our full potential.  I'm going to give it to Mark Jones in goal for a tidy performance in goal, but mainly for one great save in the first half. 

For us, we need to learn our lessons, look at the positives and refocus on the league.

We had more of the ball and more shots today but didn't create enough good chances to score.  This is partly because Liverpool defended with men behind the ball.  This meant there was little space to pass our way through them.  But we continued to try and look for the killer ball and press whilst they were deep.  I'd like to see us play with more intelligence and, more important, patience when teams set up like this against us.  We need to have the confidence to pass the ball around the team, move the ball in and out, and draw teams out of defence to create more space in the final third for our strikers.  Second, when they did play a high line, we didn't capitalise with good balls over the top.  In this situations I want to see the midfielders make their passes early to give the strikers a chance to time their runs.   Not once did I see a midfielder run from deep to beat their offside trap on Saturday.  This could have made a massive difference.  

We now sit 4th, 4 points off the top of the table.  All teams have 6 games to play and all the top 4 teams have to play each other.  For sure, all the teams above us will drop points during the next 6 games.  In this sense, our fate is still effectively in our own hands.  I'd like to see us get back on track with a win against Kepong Chinese who we play at home in the league next week.

POW were all those that didn't turn up for the after match drinks at the Social.  It was a very good night out.  Adam and I ended the night dominating affairs on the pool table, eventually calling it a day at 4am and using a rather unconventional means of transport to get home.  Bring on the next night out!  

Asterix Reds 1 USJ 0 (Cup)

Not a classic, but a deserved 1-0 win with Jonesy incredibly scoring with his penis in the last minute of the game. I kid you not, he 'knobbed' it in the back of the onion bag. The rest of the game can be described as a battle. I can never compare sport to the trenches of WW1, but we got a very small taster of what it may have been like today. I myself am nursing trench foot at this very moment. It was a quagmire in the first half, and we were playing against a team that will undoubtedly be in the top flight in a couple of seasons. Ian Quirk got a deserved MOM as he battled like a trojan in the centre of the park and POM, well, this is contentious. I mean Keith fell down the stairs at the start of the game which got the ball rolling. Then there was Jonesy, auditioning for a part as a German Infantry soldier getting shot in the second half, Sweeney for his kick off in the first half etc etc etc. However, a man that was not even there today gets the nod. Mr Stu Cavens for giving the excuse of not coming to the game as he was shopping with his gay interior designer.
Last but not least, do you remember that Orangutan that very kindly took the place of one of the linesmen in that match many moons ago. Well, he turned up again today and brought his mate with him who very kindly offered to referee the game as the actual ref had to pull out.

Asterix Reds 6 DHFC 0 ( League)

Scuse if this is a short match report but this computer is playing up. I may as well be writing it up on a ZX81. 6-0 and Shaun Sweeney as deserved MOM bagged a hat trick. Hats off to the man. His positional play is second to none and a blind man could find him on the park with a sense of knowledge for the game. Also, hats off to Yogesh who popped up in the right place at the right time to notch a brace. Keep your hats on for Adam however, who was nutmegged twice by the 60 year old centre back and gets a harsh POW but he did find the back of the onion bag, which makes his award even harsher. DHFC are a strange team. There is no way we are 6 goals better than them but they seem to lack penetration and pace. They have some good players. Perhaps they need some Crystal Meth to pep them up before the game. Bloody hell this computer is really slow. I may as well be playing Horace and the Spiders on it. Time to go!

Asterix Reds 5 - Kepong Chinese 3 (Cup)

Our second cup game saw us see off Kepong Chinese 5-3, but we made it difficult for ourselves!

Ending up with only a bare 11 we had several players playing out of position, most noticeably Adam playing left mid and Mark Howland right mid. 

We started the game very poorly and conceded two sloppy goals almost identical to those BM nicked against us a few weeks ago. Two long straight balls over the top leaving their striker one-on-one with big Keith. Clearly the two incidents knackered Keith who proceeded to send Bala to fetch the ball everytime it went behind the goal!

After our disastrous start we composed ourselves and started to play some decent football. We got the first back thanks to a stunning strike from Mark Howland, who despite having a mile of space decided he'd better strike the ball first time. Who can argue with the results?

By this point we were really in charge of the tie and despite the referees best efforts we grabbed the equalizer. Some quick thinking from Mark Howland found Shaun Sweeney at the front post from a quick corner, Sweeney managed to slot the ball home from a tight angle. 

Half-time 2-2. We talked about keeping things simple and playing our football. We were bossing them and felt like we couldn't lose the game at this point. Again we had to have a chat about keeping our composure with the referee as we were starting to get a little wound up by his laughable decisions. 

We started the second half well and were never really under pressure. We went ahead when yogesh was brought down by a clumsy challenge in the box. Once Sweeney had wrestled the ball from Mr Scott he slotted the pen away comfortably. 3-2

By this point we were really growing in confidence. We started to push forward and look for the fourth. We got caught on a bit of a counter attack that resulted in a corner. From the cross their striker placed a bullet/looping 15 foot header in under the cross bar, there was a shout of 'keepers' but to be honest their were at least 10 players closer to the ball than our big man in goal! 3-3.

We did well to recover from this as this was completely against the run of play. Thankfully Bala had decided enough was enough and ventured forward with a fantastic surge towards the opponents penalty box, most centre backs would get a nose bleed in this situation (as demonstrated by Jonesy a few minutes later), but not Bala, he calmly looked up and played a simple pass to Yogesh to tap in our fourth. A few minutes later Mark Howland got on the scoresheet again with a great right-footed strike from just inside the box to seal the game 5-3.

The game was summed up when one of the Kepong players put in a disgustingly late stamp on me and was rightly shown a straight red. 

P.O.W goes to Keith! Sorry big man but I wasn't the only one to comment on the headed goal, but what really gave it to ya was making Bala do the running for the goal kicks!

M.O.M I give my vote to Mark Howland for a solid performance, two goals and a piece of quick thinking at a vital time in the match.

Asterix Reds 0 Club Nine 2 (Friendly)

Quite possibly the least enjoyable game of football that I have ever had the misfortune to play in. We started off playing very nice football in the first 15 minutes and then the heavens opened. The referee could have easily called the pitch unplayable after about 10 minutes of the downpour but we played on. The pitch was completely waterlogged and the frustration showed as the game became a joke. I am not going to waste too many words on this one so I will list the main points;
* They scored two goals on the break in the first half.
* I got yellow carded
* They had a boy sent off.
I am going to take the unusual decision of giving Penis of the Week to their boy who got sent off. Not only did he go face to face with the ref after being sent off but tried to kick it off with the officials after the game. A truly momentus moment in his lifetime goal of reaching 'uberknob' status. MOM - well, it is probably not possible to give this! Unless we change the word 'man' to 'muppet'.

Asterix Reds 1 KL All Stars 3 (Friendly)

An invitational Asterix, comprising 5 members of the Singapore Cricket Club team played a team of boys playing in the state league. The game was played at a fast tempo with a plethora of hard challenges and a theasaurus was required for the fans on the sideline to deal with the range of expletitives being used by the main protaganists on the field. Mind you, if I keep on using language like this myself, some linguistic tools may be needed just to decipher what the fuck I am going on about. So back to layman's language. Bunmi netted half way through the first half slotting home a cross by Owen and finding the back of the onion bag to make it 1 zip to the Asterix boys. However, a pinball ball over the top led to a bit of a mix up at the back and the Select team equalised straight away and that is how it stayed until half time. Even though the game was quite even, the decisive moment came half way through the second half when Anthony got sent off for a second yellow card offence. And yes, he gets POW again. The Asterix boys were always going to be up against it from then on, and indeed, two quick breaks gave the Select team the two goals that were always coming. Hats off to the Singapore boys who all had great games despite a few sherberts the night before and indeed my MOM goes to Dominic who had a sterling game in the centre of the park.

Asterix Reds 2 BMFC 4 (League)

A couple of points here. Never play on Saturday and never wear the white kit. I think I am clutching at straws here when I look for excuses for the first competitive Asterix defeat of the season. I think the real issue is, don't give 3 goals away in the first 15 minutes of a game to a team that have someone like Dave Wood in goal. Hats off to BMFC. They came out well and made us look like a bunch of muppets for the first period of the game. It was always going to be tough clawing our way back from 3-0 down, even harder when you have your keeper sent off after 20 minutes. Sorry Keith, you do get our big POW award today. Although Aidil's 'Enter the Dragon' moment needs a mention as well!
Except for this debarcle of 15 minutes, we played some good football and looked well on the way to getting a result from the game with a Shaun Sweeney brace. However, a soft goal made it 4-2 to the BM boys, and the momentum was lost. We had our chances but if those chances fall to people like Mark Williams don't expect much. Good performances from the front two Terry and Shaun but I did put the MOM out to tender and Anthony gave it to Mark 'shite shooter' Williams (my good self!)

Asterix Reds 3 Grasshoppers 0 (Friendly)

The 300 Spartans story about their epic bravery in the face of the onslaught of thousands of rabid Persians was a fine tale, except for one fact; the Spartans ended up getting slaughtered. However, a better story for future history lessons was how the mighty 9 man Red team withheld the onslaught of the Grasshoppers front line and went one better than the men from Sparta, winning 3-0.
Yes, after only having the bare 9, we started this game looking to hold on for as long as possible until some reinforcements maybe arrived. This was not to be, but it did not matter as goals from Shaun Sweeney, Chris (on loan from the BMFC) and Adam made the Grasshoppers hopping mad; so mad indeed that some internal squabbling amongst the insect boys was a highlight of the third period of time. Hard to give POM for this one, especially as Andy Johnston had a viable excuse for not turning up. MOM has to go to Chris at the back for having a solid game and notching. Well done that man!

Asterix Reds 7 (Seven) KL Vikings 1 (Cup)

Well I bloody never! 7-1. Where do I start? Well go through the goals first of all; Andy Johnston bagged a hat-trick, Shaun Sweeney with a free kick beauty in the top left hand corner, Bunmi with a pile driver, Yogesh with yet another goal (6 in 3 for the new boy), and blow me down did I see Captain Scott even on the score sheet? What a performance! We played the Vikings less than a month ago and very little divided the sides on that day and a fair 1-1 draw was played out, but today was somewhat different.
4-0 at the break and we never looked back. The 4 man midfield ran the show and the big MOM goes to Andy Johnston. It could have easily gone to Quirky but with Andy putting three in the onion bag as well as his mesmerising performance, he gets the nod today. POW goes to Mages for not turning up!
Next up is a friendly against Grasshoppers on Wednesday and then BCM next Saturday.

Asterix Reds 4 Red Star 3 (Friendly)

If ever I have to go to Eco Park be sure to lend me the 'Tardis'. Bloody hell, how far? Anyway, it was a great pitch and a good run out for the boys. A makeshift Reds side played well in patches but found themselves 0-1 down early in the second period due to some sloppy defending. However, an onslaught during the latter part of the second period saw the boys bagging three which really won the game for us. Red Star gave us a fright, coming back strongly in the third period to make it 3-3 but Yogesh got in to net the winner at the close. Yogesh got a hat-trick and Mike got the other from a lovely free kick. However, MOM goes to Mark Howland who had a great game at Centre Back. And yes, I'll give myself POW from my supposed left jab that never was!

Asterix Reds 4 Astaka 1 (Friendly)

A good game to start the New Year with and some NY resolutions came true for some people and failed to materialise for others.
For one, Jonesy's NY resolution of scoring in every game got off to a good start as he pile drove a screamer into the bottom centre of the goal from 3.2 inches. However, for others their pissed up rants on NYE of how they were going to change this year failed miserably five days into 2009. Adam Scott for example, with his aim of wearing his tight training top for every minute spent in the company of fellow Reds players forgot to pack this most prized of his possessions. Anthony, with his aim of not getting 'penis of the week' ever again, got it in the first game of the NY, for his 19 minute/20 minute argument with his fellow protanganist in this debarcle, Andy Johnston. (A shared POW this week) Mark Williams, with his aim of not running around like a headless chicken, without actually achieving anything, unfortunately seems to be another likely scenerio in every game just as it was in 2008, 2007, 2006 etc.....................
However, a 4-1 win was a pretty good performance for a bunch of lads out of practice in the beautiful game for the past four weeks. Three of the goals coming from non-Reds players, with Michael O'Brien and Yogesh (2) getting the other three goals alongside the masterful Jonesy. In fact it was the new boy Yogesh who gets my big 'Man of the Match' award. A player we will hopefully see more of was pacey, found good positions on the field, and bagged a brace. Well done that man!
A special mention goes out to a man that hopefully has started off something that I would like to see more of in future games. To the man who brought the Skol to the post match drinks, I take my hat off. Next week, we are going to be drinking Anchor, and the week after that Special Brew.